Cunts and Cigars

Under Creative Commons License With No Endorsement

I find it intriguing that "cigar chomping" is a decidedly aggressive male attribute -- kind of like biting off the dicks of your opponent.  It was no surprise that President Clinton used a cigar on Monica, because just like fucking her with a cigar was only sex by proxy (I did not have sex with that woman -- my cigar fucked her, not me), everyone also knows you don't inhale with a cigar, you puff, which in a wonderful linguistic sleight of hand means to exaggerate to the point of lying.

Cigars are tobacular cock replacements -- always hard, once lit stay hot for a long time and are best experienced by sucking on them.  There is a homo-erotic element to cigar smoking.  The poker table is a daisy chain of cock suckers puffing the cigar cum out until it fills the room.  I was acutely aware of this a few months ago when I was smoking a cigar at a blogger party.  One of my friends, an openly gay man, was standing in a circle with me and a couple of other people as we passed around a cigar.  The cock totem was passed between us, each of us taking a puff or two--the glory hole cigar without the anonymity.  Each mouth took its turn wrapping itself around the brown, wet shaft and sucking.

This may explain Rush Limbaugh's affection for cigars and his anti-gay rhetoric -- repressed homosexual tendencies.  I'd run with that, but I start to think about the consequences of my arguments and it is bad enough for us straight guys to have to claim Limbaugh, so I'd hate to inflict him on the homosexuals too.  Besides the homosexuals already have more right wing, anti-gay preachers than the straights.

Well so far I've been rambling on about cigars and not a lot of cunt.  Tobacco is an interesting drug, but it pales in comparison to the heady narcotics of cunt -- combine the two and you are on to something.  People say to sip brandy and smoke the cigar, mixing the flavors, but brandy has nothing on cunt.  Cunt adds the aroma and texture of the fuck to the smoke.  Each cigar tastes a little different after being marinated in cunt.  Just so you know what a twisted fuck I am, I have yet to try (but want to try) a little menstrual cunt/cigar combo.

Now, if you do an internet search for "cunt marinated cigars", you get no results -- none, zip nada.  Now that is how fucking amazing I am -- I have found a kink that is non-Google-able until today (not to mention menstrual cigars).  Take it out of quotes and you get 520,000 results revolving around strip clubs serving marinated chicken breasts with cigar lounges or cunts smoking cigars.

I do understand the appeal of a cunt that can smoke a cigar -  the suction action with the nether lips as they clamp down on the base of the cigar and the pelvic floor pulls in the smoke, holds and exhales.  Just last night, I watched the cunt of my lover smoke a lovely cigar.  We were outside and in semi-public, so she only took a puff.  I brought the cunt marinated tobacco to my lips and my cock grew hard.  She bent over, sprung my cock from my pants and began sucking me.  I leaned back holding the cigar with her cunt juice on it between my lips and took a puff and she took a long drag on my cock.  We continued to the summer cricket chorus, both inhaling and exhaling until it was time to retire to the bedroom, where I could let her cunt smoke my cock properly.