Curmudgeons are given a bad name. We are curmudgeonly for a reason -- things more often than not, suck. There is a blog post that has gone viral through all the inter-social-twit-nets about "Perfection." And yes, in case you are wondering I linked to his sorry ass post, because more people read it than have ever read every single one of my rants -- combined -- because that is how the search engine beast works. Remember, Larry Page set up his search algorithm to give "Page Ranks" to web sites based on an academic model, ie citations in academic journals. And we all know how fucked up academics are.
My first beef is with his use of words. "Perfection" is not what he is talking about. Single Dad Laughing
Being Real is actually being deceptive. I know the point of his post is supposedly clear, we all beat ourselves up over not being able to keep up with the Jones or keeping our Jones' up. "Perfection" is the perceived ideal that we impose on ourselves in SDL's world. This is bullshit. The perceived ideal should be perfection and the list of self deceptions that he lists are the most fundamental imperfections of imperfect minds. Don't believe me, I'm saying the same things he said in the post, just rephrased.
Don't let people treat you like shit and get away with it.
Don't let people say mean things about you and take it like a fat rotting pile of crap.
Don't succumb to eating disorders, get help.
Don't think masturbation is an addiction that needs to be cured.
Don't succumb to drug addiction, get help.
Don't spend more money than you make.
Don't compare yourself to other people.
Don't be mean to your kids.
Don't have kids you can't afford to provide for.
Don't try to keep up with your neighbor's boat -- Oh, gag me with a cliche spoon.
Ask your kids why they don't have any friends and don't let them get bullied.
Don't kill yourself.
Do get mental health counseling.
Admit you are a flawed and fucked up human, even if everyone thinks you are perfect.
Don't fuck around on your spouse.
Don't try and self-induce an abortion by taking poison.
Actually, I was a little deceptive myself. Nowhere in his post did he lament the man who beats himself up for not being able to get it up. The sales of Viagra and spam in my in-box suggest that this is an epidemic of perfection that "Single Dad Laughing" missed. Why? Because this is some single guy that is getting lots of attention by reciting every Oprah show he ever watched to fuel his "feminine side" and congealed it all into one soap operatic blog post. Oprah doesn't spend much time on male impotence, plus bringing that up would be a put off for the ladies.
I say the same damn thing and everyone looks at me like I'm insane -- but I am saying the same thing:
The Golden Rule is a pretty bad idea because we are all pretty fucking self-loathing.
Oh, but the Oprah TiVo at 16x is just the beginning. Now we have to listen to HIS "Perfection" issues, aka "poor puppy dog seduction technique."
1. I stole $150 from dying cancer kid box when I was 18. (He is 30 now and much wiser.)
2. I believe in God, but not religion.
3. I'm not always funny, sometimes I'm sad and lonely and have already been through two wives in three short decades.
4. I hit a wall once when I was angry at my ex-wife and dented the sheet rock. (OK, short aside here. You didn't hit your ex-wife and sheet rock dents pretty easily. I've put holes in sheet rock with my head -- for fun. Dude, you weren't that angry. Plus a little putty and paint and it is good as new, so you don't have to sit and contemplate your Perfection issues.)
5. I cry at home at night because I'm alone, fat and ugly (but don't forget to check me out on my cool website with my cool kid and send us M&Ms, because that helps me soothe my body issues.)
6. I don't like meeting people that make me feel uncomfortable. (I bet he doesn't want to bump into me any time soon..)
7. I am meanest to people just like me who suffer from my same foibles.
8. I'm sad and lonely and stay home alone on weekends.
9. I am so insightful that I see the problem of imposing unrealistic ideals upon ourselves that I've drafted this masterful piece of fluff for you to spread all over the inter-social-twit-nets. I am the insightful one, please anoint me so that more hot chicks will come to my website and see my fat ass with my cute son. Please disregard the fact that every single thing I've talked about has been chewed like a cow chewing its cud for thirty years on daytime TV, given rise to an entire psychiatry and pharmacological industry, provided work for lawyers representing domestic clients who can't get along (2 of which I've paid personally) and that some dude named Christ a couple of thousand years ago beat me to the punch by saying be compassionate, not self-promoting.
In case you were wondering, Christ never posted a blog or cut his hair.
P.S. Unlike SDL I didn't take 12 hours to write my post, I took about 20 minutes.
P.P.S. Please, please, please, spread this all over the Inter-social-twit-nets to combat self-promotion.
Methinks thou dost projecteth too much.
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